How to Interact with Online Discussion Disruptors
Addressing Online Discussion Disruptors
Have you noticed instnaces when you’re trying to have a discussion with your network on social media, then someone comes in and side-swipes the conversation? Perhaps, you think, ah just a little detractor — no harm, not foul. Think again. These kinds of social media ‘friends’ are disruptors, some intentional and some oblivious. Neither kind needs to be entertained.
Sounds harsh? I don’t think so. Clearly, this kind of individual isn’t valuing your time and (online) space, so why should you be so gracious to appease them? Whether you realize it or not, you’re accepting their invitation to derail your discussion! You can be a proponent for open discourse with your posts, but you must set the parameters for what you deem acceptable engagement. You must stick to your standards consistently. Do you?
Stay on Track with Your Intended Discussion
Set standards for when to apologize, and when not to. Don’t apologize if you didn’t do whatever it is someone’s accusing you of doing. Whatever that accusation may be! If you didn’t do it, an apology is not necessary. Please read this over again if you’re someone who leans heavily on being apologetic and overly considerate. For online discussion threads, taking an apologetic approach often leads to derailing the intended line of discussion.
I’m not saying you need to refrain from being considerate. Just be sure to maintain your intention throughout whatever you’re sharing. Don’t get tripped up on what someone else interprets or accuses you of saying. This says more about them, than it does about you. They open to their interpretation, but sometimes individuals place their interpretation — or bias — into a discussion out of their own volition.
If someone’s interpretation is not what you intended, there’s no need for an apology. It’s simply their interpretation. Also, don’t apologize for other people’s behavior in the thread. Address each person one to one. Adress the person who feels they were offended. You can also address what was perceived to be offensive, if you feel you can adequately do so. Remind both people of the context of your post.
You Set the Standard of Discourse
Discussion digression like this can be a good opportunity to mention the rules of engagement on your page. If you have a preference about having people treat one another respectfully, this is the time to acknowledge it. If those commenting can’t have the standard of consideration that you hold, then they can go elsewhere to comment. Sometimes this boundary needs to be stated.
The only apology that should be made in a Facebook post is if your original post or one of your following comments were poorly constructed in a way that allows your inteded sentiment to be easily misconstrued. That’s what writer’s call “lazy writing” and yes, everyone does it from time to time. So if you’re “lazy writing” has been called out, then you can apologize for it not being aligned with your initial intention.
Even in this instance, I recommend not saying “I’m sorry for…” when replying. Instead say, “I apologize that I didn’t structure my thoughts in a way that was more aligned with what I was trying to say.” This is an opportunity for further discussion and communicating more clearly. It’s nothing to be sorry for, especially if there was no ill-intent. The concern here is to not clog the discourse with insinuations of whose “right” or “wrong” and steer clear of polarizing language for these platforms. It’s a discussion!
Well-crafted Comments Go a Long Way
You want to be clear and concise when posting and commenting within your post’s discussion thread. You don’t want to unwittingly contribute to someone misconstruing what you’re saying. With this said, you also don’t want to stifle your voice and stop yourself from sharing your thoughts and concerns. So it’s a continual balance or speaking from your heart, while framing it as carefully as you can for better understanding of those reading.
If you do share clearly and concisely, and someone comes into the discussion misconstruing what you say, there’s a very good chance this falls on the part of person commenting. Not everyone who comments in a discussion thread has good and clear intentions on their part. Similarly, not everyone is going to take the time to actual read what you’re saying and take the time hear it from your perspective. So it’s best to respond in a way that allows for further clarification of their intentions for commenting.
Sometimes people just jump in pushing their own interpretation or narrative. That can be their modus operandi, and it can be apparent. There are instances when someone is pushing rhetoric from another source, rather than sharing genuine opinions. This is when you discern if their style seems like an imposition for the discussion. No original poster should have to pander or cower to people who are inserting themselves into the discussion whilst following their own rules of engagement.
It’s your post and your discussion, you set the rules of engagement. If they come in with their own, they are high-jacking your discussion — there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s best to address them contextually. Give them a hint or a nudge that they’re inserting their narrative and misconstruing yours. If they keep insisting you can give them another reminder or choose to no longer engage with them on the matter.
Zoom out and See the Broader Context
If there’s a genuine misinterpretation, and you address them rationally, they will either ‘get it’ and the discussion can get back on course. The other person can possibly apologize, choose to move on, or they will act neutrally. If they act in opposition to you when you’re trying your best to rectify the situation, then this is an indication they could be intentionally misconstruing your words. Their intention might be to prove their point or righteously out you or another commenter. Whatever their intention, you can notice if they’re acting divisively rather than harmoniously.
If you sense the divisiveness and the person continues to push back, go through each of their comments so far. You’ll find at least one logical fallacy in their argument to you (you will likely find more.) In your next response to them, you can state something along the lines of, “I do see your passion behind the point that you’re trying to make, but…” then you can describe the logical fallacy that they’re using.
If you feel the need to rectify this situation, there are ways you can state how this without escalating an argument. You can state how their approach is appearing to undermine or misalign with the spirit of your original post and the intention of why you were sharing. You can state this and leave it at that, while remaining clear that you want to de-escalate any further misconstruing.
If you feel strongly that this person is coming from a place where they want to insert themselves into discussion and be “right” and prove others “wrong,” it’s best to be direct with minimal further engagement with them on the matter. As the original poster or while on your page, you can’t let them hijack the thread like that. Think of the saying, when she/he has a hammer, everything is a nail. Logical fallacies are the hammer for online discussions/debates. You have to call them out. If not the integrity of the whole discussion is weakened, then what’s the point of having the discussion.
